I have been thinking of my mom a lot lately. Maybe it's because Mother's Day is coming up...not sure. Anyway, mom and I had a kind of strange relationship and it seems to have been fashioned after the one she had with her mom. It's not a demonstrative family I come from...on either side, although hugs and kisses and "I love you's" were given a plenty for grandchildren. I wonder if this is a common happening? My Nana (mom's mom) was very lovey dovey to me and my cousins. Not my brother, but that was his choice not their' s. I remember him being chased around the house at New Years for a kiss and he was having none of it. This being said, I don't remember the same for my mom. Mom never initiated hugs and kisses and when it did happen, which was rare, I always felt uncomfortable. Strange thing is I never questioned her love for me. It didn't seem to damage my self worth or respect. I loved my mom and despaired over the final decade of her life. Losing dad so early in life and then losing her health seemed to take away a lot of her "joi de vivre" I think. I found it very difficult and frustrating to visit her in the "home" every weekend to find her so miserable and negative.
My mom was usually a very positive Christian soul, who generally inspired others. But those last years of her life robbed her of all the things that used to bring her joy. Music, knitting, sewing, baseball, hockey...she showed no interest in any of it. Thinking of all this sometimes terrifies me when I realize that I am getting up there in age as well. I have vowed to never let myself get to that point, but I doubt that mom ever planned that to be the outcome of her life either.
Old age in our life and time is a lot better than it used to be but it is still geared to the fact of whether you can afford it or not. There are beautiful homes out there for seniors, but at a cost. One that my mom could not afford and that in itself is very depressing.
We as seniors all deserve the same advantages. Just achieving old age is a feat that should be rewarded. I believe my mom's last days might have been a bit more enjoyable. I love and miss you mom! 🥰